Building personal and organisational resilience. A keynote presentation from Facet5 Live 2022.

Morning good afternoon. I know everyone’s kind of in a different time zone, different place, but I’m so glad we have the chance to be together today and to hang out and learn a little bit about resilience. So they’ll we’ll be hearing that doorbell a little bit. That’s OK. Well, we’ll let that go because more and more people are joining and grateful to have them. So let’s jump in and get started. So just a little bit of background. Not much, but I’m Kelly-Anne McKnight. I am the author of this book The Resilience Way. And one of my joys in my life is the opportunity to be a researcher in terms of resilience. I’m also a Facet5 certified facilitator, and I use Facet5 in my training and coaching. And I hail from Fergus, Ontario, Canada. So I just super curious if you don’t mind, toss the location, where are you? Tell me where you are in the chat. Just go ahead and fill up that chat with where you are today. Where do you come from here? From the UK. From Italy. Wonderful. From the US. Germany. Wow. Poland. Oh, my goodness. Wonderful everywhere. Holland. Wow, it goes so fast. Portugal, wonderful. Lithuania awesome. More UK. Montreal. Hello Canada. Yeah, great. Well, good morning and welcome everyone. I’m Yeah I am so excited to have the chance to share with you guys this morning. We’re going to use the chat a little bit. We don’t have a ton of time, so we’re going to try and I’m going to try and get the content. I feel is most critical for you over to you and I will use the chat as we can. So yeah, good, good. I know. Say good morning again, but it’s good afternoon, wherever whatever it is for you. All right. Our path today, what we’re going to try to accomplish in a very short time is a dive into the resilience way, a starting point of understanding what we’re talking about. In terms of the resilience way, where my research has taken us, we’re going to talk about action ideas because I really like to give people very concrete things they can use in the moment. So I’ll give you some action ideas, and then I’ll send those to you after. So you so you have them, I’ll answer questions. We won’t have a ton of time for questions in the session, but certainly whatever time we have left, we’ll use for that. And then I’ll get those questions after the fact. And I’m happy to circulate answers. Yeah, very quickly by tomorrow I can get those back to you. And then I’ll provide you with some resources because. Yeah so that you have some, some options for moving forward. So hopefully that sounds like a good use of your time. But let’s dive into, you know, why the resilience way, where does this come from? You know, why is this book in existence basically? And it really starts with these four. These troublemakers are my babes and they are in this picture at my second wedding. That’s actually me in the background there with my brother. But these guys at this stage are between 9 and 18 and they’re yeah, as you can see, they’re having a good time, but they hadn’t always had a good time. They were encountering something quite different. When they were between the ages of 4 and 13. Their dad, my first husband, was diagnosed with stage four colon cancer. So as you can imagine, it was a very difficult journey, a difficult time for us, a lot of challenges that we had to face in the 3 and 1/2 years that we were blessed to have him with us struggling with cancer and then having him pass and having to live our lives, continue to live our lives, figure out how to live our lives, you know, be able to put one foot in front of the other and carry on as he wanted us to. That was a journey that taught me a lot. It taught me a lot about resilience and other people were noticing in the whole journey, all through the cancer journey. And beyond that there was something different or interesting about how David and I were handling this. What I realized eventually was that it was the resilience that was inherent in David, in my first husband and what I had learned along the way in terms of how do you carry on when it seems like you can’t when you’re in those moments when it feels so overwhelming, you just can’t imagine how you’re going to get out of this. And then you do. And I got very curious about that, and I started to research resilience, and that’s where this all came from. So the first chapter of the book is that story, that understanding of our back story in detail, the rest of the book is everything I learned since then about resilience. So I ended up publishing the first edition of the book in 2019 and then this summer in 2022 published the second edition with some changes and additions. And now we luckily back to, you know, a world where we can be face to face with people thrilled to be doing workshops and coaching and being able to bring this work to the world. So far, I’m finding that the response is just wonderful and makes it all worthwhile. So that’s the back story. That’s why we’re here. I think it makes sense to start with a definition because you hear the word resilience all the time. It’s everywhere, I’m sure you’ve noticed, but it can mean a lot of different things to different people. And so just to be clear, when I talk about resilience, what I’m talking about is having the ability to manage through difficulty, take on challenges of your own design so that you can build the life you basically want. So that, there’s two pieces there. Like, yes, sometimes stuff happens. It’s not, you know, things we don’t want, things we weren’t expecting, and we have to move through them. That’s that one piece of it. The other piece of it is really about taking charge of your own vision, your own interest in, you know, what is it you want to accomplish in your life. And if it’s, you know, if you have big dreams, as you should, those are going to be hard, too. And so those challenges we have to have the resilience to be able to make that happen. So that’s really what we’re talking about in terms of resilience, the definition that we’re using. And then from the research, what I developed was a model. And the model has five elements. And then we’ll walk through the elements and it actually has 15 factors in, 3 in each of these elements. But I like to I like the Mandela approach, the circular approach, because what it also helps us to understand and point out is that these are all related. You don’t you know, the elements are not separate things. They are very much either supporting each other or sometimes not. So however that plays for you, you’ll find that there’s connection between them. But I’ll just go quickly through them here. You start at the bottom. We will start at the bottom with emotional well-being. We’ll talk more about each of these and what that is. But that concept of being aware of how you’re feeling, being able to manage your emotions and feelings, and we’ll talk about what’s there then supportive relationships. So resilience, a lot of resilience in terms of the research came from people having the right kinds of relationships in their lives. Physical health. Yeah, you you’ve heard the, the idea, you know, if you don’t have your health, you have nothing. And it’s so true. And there’s elements of our health that we really need to take control of and notice and make sure that we have those things under control. Personal clarity. We’ll talk more about that. And that’s a big one in terms of understanding what is it I’m trying to achieve here. And then dynamic thinking is one should know what you want to achieve, what are the skills, what are the pieces you have to have in place. So that you are able to do that? So there’s five elements here that we’re going to dive into very briefly, and but I promise I’ll leave you at the end with some ideas and places where you can go for more on understanding. One of the places you can go for more understanding is a self-assessment that we developed in terms of resilience way. So, on theresilienceway.com website, and I’ll note this website a few times, so don’t worry if you haven’t quickly got to writing it down, you can go ahead in there and do an assessment. It’ll tell you where your strengths and areas for development might be in terms of the resilience model. So that’s there. It’s free and available to you any time. OK so let’s dive into the first element. So emotional well-being, actually, the biggest part of the book, there’s a lot of content. There’s lots to learn here, lots of pieces. And I find it all very useful and interesting. I hope you do. But this is where we begin. Understanding ourselves better and differently is so important and we’ll dive in. So it’s self self-awareness, mental wellness and spirituality. And let’s have a look at what we’re talking about here. So this first piece of self-awareness is just all of those bits and pieces. There’s lots of ways of looking at this, but the overall goal is to have a better understanding of your own feelings and emotions and being able to be present with them. Right so, you know, often we’re not maybe behaving in the way we wanted to. We didn’t react to something the way we wish we had. We think about it after the fact. Having a self self-awareness allows us to be much more mindful about how we approach things, how we think about things. And that’s all critical in terms of our resilience. The second one is about mental wellness. And this is a simple one. I think as a society we talk a lot more about mental health and mental wellness now, but not enough. We still don’t really own this as something that needs to be normalized. That’s something that needs to be a conversation. That is, you know, if I break my arm, I’m not shy about telling you I’ve broken my arm. And so I’m not going to be able to fill in the blank. I’m not going to be able to, you know, do the work. I can’t type on the keyboard. I’m not coming to work today. But if I’m having significant issues in terms of my mental health, I might be much less willing and able to share that. And that’s a huge problem. Because so many of us are dealing with mental health issues and and we’re not getting the help we need. And that really takes away from our resilience. So whether it’s significant mental illness, or whether it’s just being aware and understanding how you’re feeling, what’s going on in your own mental wellness, those are really important pieces that people have to have in order to be resilient. And the last piece of emotional well-being is spirituality. And this is an interesting one because I feel like depending on your way of looking at the world, this might be something that you feel, I don’t even want to talk about that or that’s very personal. And it’s not about saying that any particular way of being spiritual is better or worse. It’s just saying that having an understanding that you belong in this universe, that there is a connection between you and some higher power. However you define that in the research, that definitely showed up as something that really helps people to feel stronger, feel better, able to have hope, and be able to deal with some of the issues that they were dealing with. So that spirituality piece that’s really important, that it’s whatever you define as spirituality, there’s no judgment here about what that should be, but it needs to be there in whatever form makes sense for you. Yeah, I want to just dive one little piece into the idea of mindfulness. So we’re talking about self-awareness as one of the three factors here. And so one of the important pieces is mindfulness work. And again, when people talk about resilience, I often hear them connect to mindfulness. So this isn’t a new thought, but I think that’s important to understand what we’re trying to achieve here. So when we talk about mindfulness, this is a great quote from Thich Nhat Hanh. I don’t know if you’re familiar with this amazing and very famous, honestly, Buddhist monk, he just passed away last this January, actually well over 90. But just this quote, I’ll just quickly read it to you. The past is gone. The future is not yet here. And if we do not go back to ourselves in the present moment, we cannot be in touch with life, living mindfully and with concentration. We see a deeper reality and are able to witness impermanence without fear, anger or despair. So I’m not sure if this resonates with you yet, but what’s really critical here is the understanding that we often, all of us spend a lot of time, either in the past sort of regretting or thinking about what should have been different or holding grudges or worrying about the future. So in the future, but within anxiety and concern about what could happen and not really being present in the moment. And when we do that, we really take away our resilience because there really is nothing else, you know, in reality other than the actual moment we’re in. But we’re here together on this call, for instance. And it’s interesting. Just think about how much of your mind is elsewhere. Are you also checking email? Are you watching your phone messages? Are you are you not entirely here? Right and and when we’re not entirely here, we are taking away from our resilience. Right so. This mindfulness work is important. And it’s really critical if you haven’t already started into this journey to think about what the benefits might be for you. To getting a better sense of living in the here and now. Staying in the here and now. It’s a constant challenge. Sometimes I like to do a little exercise to think about what percentage of my day I’ve spent in the here and now, and I Pat myself on the back. If I can get to 25%, because it’s hard, but it’s a great goal because it helps you to be present and aware and have that self-awareness that helps you be more resilient. So that’s yeah, that’s I just want to stop there for one second and share that quote with you. So I’m going to give you with each of these elements, I’m going to give you a bit of a list. And this is what I will make sure is in the My page after the fact. So you can come back to these slides. But I want to make sure for each of these you have a bit of an idea of what are the kinds of things you might do. And some of they’re going to be personal for you as an individual. But I also wanted to approach the organizational needs. So some of them will be more for you within the context of your organization. So starting with you to work on your own self-awareness and let other people know you’re doing it, whatever it is, if you’re starting to meditate or if you’re already meditating, let other people know that you’re doing that. If you’re doing other things, journaling, perhaps lots of things that you can do to help yourself become more self-aware. Let other people know that you’re doing that so that they can see the benefit and understand that it might be something they want to try. Within the workplace, we have clients who do have quiet space, right? And it’s space for anyone to go who needs to have some time to meditate or pray or whatever it is somebody might want to do. To get out of the hustle and bustle and have a moment to just kind of center. So if you don’t have that already, it’s not that hard to do. And it’s a wonderful thing to offer to people. This is where, by the way, Facet5 also lives, right? So personality assessment tools are a wonderful way to help people build self-awareness. And it’s one of the things that we recommend in terms of building resilience is that you should have a basic understanding of your own personality so that you’re understanding what drives you, what kinds of strengths have, what might be difficult for you. And I, you know, I often find people beating themselves up about things that are difficult for them, when in fact, of course, it is because it’s outside of their, you know, their comfort zone in terms of their personality. So that’s another piece that we can help people with. Yeah, we absolutely need to normalize discussion of mental health, right? This has to be something that is comfortable within the workplace to discuss. And at least people need to be comfortable enough to reach out and use any employee assistance programs that you might have. If you if you’re not in a company or an organization big enough or that happens to have an EAP program, then what other ways can we create, you know, the access for people to find these kinds of things? How can we help people to find they need the help that they need when they need it? So those are some ideas, things that you can, you know, I think do relatively easily hopefully our definitely get started on and some of them you’re probably already done. I’m sure that for many of you some of these you can already tick it off and that’s awesome. So that’s emotional well-being. And if we dive now into supporting relationships, the next piece of the model we’re now talking about having the right kinds of relationships in your life and being able to really engineer those, making sure that we’re doing something when they’re not the right relationships. So there’s three pieces here. The first one is about seeking support, so that’s about asking for help when you need it. And honestly, a lot of us are not very good at that, and you may recognize that that’s not a strength for you. So pay attention to that. And the next one is offering support. Some of us are very good at this. In fact, some of us would go to the other end of the continuum in terms of we’re actually not setting enough boundaries for ourselves and making sure that we’re caring for self. That are kind of always helping other people. But in general, offering support is a key to resilience because it helps us build the relationships that we might need. Either in the moment or later on. But it helps us to make sure we are connected to other people in a meaningful way. And then the boundaries part is an interesting one, and this is where we need to recognize that some of the relationships in our lives are not helping us, they’re not building our resilience, and we need to be able to do something about that. And so there’s obviously no one recipe here, but it’s looking at, do I need to change the way I interact with this person? Do I need to have a difficult conversation with this person? Or in fact, in some cases, does this person, need not to be around? I need not to be exposed to this person because in fact, they are so negative, such a negative aspect of my life. The key with boundaries is just that it’s not OK not to deal with this. Right and so from a resilience standpoint, we need to dive in and look at what’s going on and understand that if these relationships aren’t healthy, they are absolutely taking away from our resilience. You can’t, you know, do everything that you want to do and have the courage and energy, and so on. If you’re being dragged down by relationships that are getting in your way. So that’s where boundaries comes in. So one more quick dive and I’m going to use the chart again for this question. I’m super curious. So I talked about offering support and I mentioned that for some people. We do this well, for some of us, we do it too much. So this is what I’m curious about diving into. So here’s a continuum, just curious. So if you look at this continuum and you think about where you belong on either at the one end, so you tend to just do your own thing and, and supporting people hasn’t been a big part of what you do or the number 10 end is like I always give other people my, you know, time and resources and in fact, it interferes with my own needs. I feel sometimes like I’m being, you know, I’m the doormat. I’m being used in ways that are not appropriate. Yeah or are you at that number five where you’d say you’re balanced? Right look at the numbers. Yes so no surprise. So some of you are really good here. Some of you have got this figured out. That’s awesome. Yeah trying to move down a little bit. Yeah, lots of us are at that. Eight, nine, 10 and and that is really. Yeah depending on the person. Very interesting. Right so you can be at five, but sometimes depending on the individual, the relationship. And that makes sense to me because sometimes as a parent, for instance, I know I’m at 9:00 and I’m trying to work my way back, but yeah, it’s very interesting. So just to give you a sense of where you might be and try to see can I move myself back to that five where absolutely. You’re offering support. Absolutely you’re helping people, but you’re not doing it in a way that’s getting in the way of your own needs, right? Yeah cool. OK Thank you for that. All right. So let’s talk about what we can do here in terms of supportive relationships. Again, just a quick list here and you may find you’re already doing some of these. The first one is, and especially within an organization, you know, you can create, you can look for. And you can promote support groups. These don’t have to be, you know, really complex things. But you can bring together people who are maybe struggling with something similar or have some similarities in terms of their interests, and just let people come together in a very informal and organic way. So that they can learn to support one another. We noticed this with we had some clients that we encouraged to develop groups for, like parents. When we went into lockdown with COVID and parents were with little people, we could see the little people running around in the back of their offices as we were doing virtual training. And they really needed to come together with other parents and talk about, you know, how do we handle this? How do I get any work done? You know, how do I how do I manage through when my house is turned into a daycare? Yeah so this is just an example. But yeah, look for those ways of helping people connect and then ask for help, right? So the way that you can, you can really help people to see that it’s OK to ask for help is by you doing it right. You’re giving them the gift. If you think about it, at least for myself and for many, many people, we’re thrilled if somebody asks us for help, if you know somebody who’s having a difficult time and you keep offering, you know, what can I do? What can I do? When they finally say, can you bring me dinner? You’re thrilled. OK, Yes. Now I can do something. So make sure you’re doing that for other people. You’re letting them know how they can help so that they can see that. Yeah, that you’re, you’re using that seeking support. You’re demonstrating that the next one. Yeah, these are boundaries. So it’s time for boundaries, right. Notice the relationships that are getting in your way and for goodness sakes, deal with them. Right don’t let them continue to do that notice or maybe recognize that it’s a choice. Right? in most cases, we’re making choices about how we interact with people. At the very least, you can alter the way you interact with them and sometimes you need to exit them from your life. And that’s a tough one. But yeah, if you recognize that it’s a possibility, you’ll notice when it’s necessary. And the last one, stop enabling people by supporting them when they need to step up. So if you’re at that ten, nine, 10 on that continuum around supporting others, think about where you’re actually not helping. Right and that’s what I think about it from the parenting standpoint, for sure. When I’m at a 9 or ten, my kids, let’s face it, the youngest is 17. So there’s not a whole lot they can’t do by themselves. When I’m doing when they should be doing, I should you know, this is me. I got to notice that I’m actually enabling them when they need to do their, you know, do their own thing and become more independent. So, yeah, that’s another important point to think about. All right. So that’s supportive relationships. Let’s dive into physical health and yeah, we’ll go through this fairly quickly. But the really overall point is just that with physical health, there are elements we can control. Obviously, there’s lots you can’t you know, we had no clue. My husband, my first husband at 42 is going to be diagnosed with stage four colon cancer. There was no way of knowing that was going to happen. But there are times when we do have some control and we need to take whatever control we can. And so, for instance, when you blow this up into the factors that make up physical health, we’re talking about sleep. So sleep, you know, a lot of people don’t sleep well. And in my experience, they don’t do much about it. You need to fix whatever sleep issues you can. And I’m not saying it’s easy, but there is help out there. And if you’re chronically tired, you can’t be resilient. So we need to fix the sleep issues. We need to look at nutrition in a way that builds resilience. And this is a whole topic. But just to kind of highlight what I’m talking about here, the book highlights the work of two amazing nutritionists and researchers who built something called intuitive eating. You may be familiar with this, but the key concept is a couple of things. One is that we are especially in the west, very, very focused on diet, culture. And basically everything to do with diet culture and body shaming takes away from our resilience because we are wasting our energy trying to be something that’s probably not even attainable, but certainly not important. Let’s, you know, trying to be this perfect person is taking away energy, confidence and enthusiasm to do the things we really need to be doing. So from a nutrition standpoint, we just want to look at our relationship to food and make sure that it is a comfortable one, it is a healthy one, and that we’re not sort of falling into what our society is definitely in the West wants us to focus on. So hopefully that makes sense. The nutshell and exercise is really just about, you know, if you want to be active, you got to be active. If you want to remain active through the course of your life, then you’ve got to be active. It also and this is where one of the examples of where the Mandela effect comes in, if you’re exercising, it has impact on your mental health, if you’re exercising and it gives you the opportunity to create that self awareness. Because you are, you know, in tend to be more in the moment when you’re sort of exercising then, you know, at least that’s what most people find that they’re, you know, whether you’re running or doing some workout or on the treadmill, you tend to be more focused in the moment. So lots of connections there. That’s really physical health. And so just in terms of what you can do here, some simple things. Yeah remind managers to direct employees to your employee assistance program resources. So that’s for help on sleep, for instance. There’s some great help there out there on sleep. It might be on nutrition and rethinking their relationship to food, and it might be ways to get active if they haven’t already been active. I want to be very careful about people jumping into activity who haven’t been doing any to begin with. Yeah, this one is fun and we’ve seen some we’ve had some great success with clients starting to do things like walking meetings, stretch breaks or other anything that’s active, right? So stop assuming that we have to sit down for all of our meetings. Stop assuming that, you know, the only way to connect with people is in an inactive way. Our minds actually often work better when we’re active, too. So that’s an easy one that you can play with. Yeah look for improved diet, culture and body shaming elements in the workplace. Again, for some of you, this may not exist. So much. It depends on the culture of your organization and perhaps the culture of where you live. But, you know, we have clients who have, you know, focuses sometimes on like exercise. You know, it’s like exercise month and everyone’s like trying to walk as many steps as possible. I would prefer to see a more, you know, the second point, they’re like, let’s just move in general. Let’s not focus on, you know, making exercise into something that becomes like, you know, almost militaristic, you know, just like we’re focused on doing this to, to a large extent, just let’s just have it as part of our active lifestyle rather than making it something over the top. And then overall, just encourage people to look after themselves. Right when because you’re I’m sure you’ve had a situation like this or can think of one either for yourself or for others where, you know, some we had a sign that something was wrong, but we didn’t look at it because we didn’t want to deal with it. So really encourage people to deal with health issues when they come up and get at them in a timely manner. So that they can have a better outcome. So that’s physical health in a quick nutshell, and now we’re ready to move into personal clarity. So this is probably my favorite elements. Mostly because this is something that I feel like I’ve had strengths in always, and I’ve benefited from being able to do that. Sorry, booth. Where am I going? There we go. So the three pieces of this are values, vision and planning. Overall, what we’re trying to create is clarity about where we’re trying to go. And our resilience comes from having a clear understanding of what we’re trying to achieve. So we need, first of all, to understand our values, what matters to us, what’s really important. You know what I. What do I need to have in my life in order to feel comfortable? The next one is around vision. So I need to know what my know, what my overall goals are. What am I trying to achieve while I’m on this earth? And the final one is planning. So how do I put a plan in place to get from wherever I am to where I want to be in terms of those goals? So this is such a critical piece. To have these three pieces in place is really, really important. I just want to demonstrate one thing and give you an opportunity to dive in on your own to values. So a little bit of a dive into values. And so we’ll do that quickly with this slide. The idea being that these are a bunch of values and not all of them are your values, but some of them might be. And if you look at it, you can click through here and you might find that there are three or four of these words that are really those things that must be present in your life for you to be comfortable. And if I play with it in terms of my own list, these would be three. That would be absolutely true for me. Family helping, others, work life balance. Those would be three. That would be at the top of my list of values. And then what’s interesting is you now need to ask yourself a couple of key questions at the bottom of the slide. So, you know, do I act in line with my values? Right and and, for instance, a way to sort test that out would be to look at your calendar and does your calendar reflect your values. So the simple example would be if you say that work life balance is a value for you, but I look at your calendar and you work 80 hours a week and you really don’t make time for anything else in your life. Then we know that there’s going to there’s a problem here in terms of your values, and you want to take a look at that and start to align your behavior to your values. This is a really important piece because without these, you feel uncomfortable. You feel like you’re not living the life you’re supposed to be living. And of course, that has a really detrimental impact on your resilience. So the next point I just want to make is that I have made this available, this not this. The personal values exercise that I use with all my clients is on theresilienceway.com website. So dive in there, grab that PDF fillable PDF and do this exercise for yourself. If you’ve never done this before, you’ll find it very, very interesting and enlightening. A little bit of truth there around what you need to be doing differently. OK so in terms of personal clarity overall, what can you do? First of all, the exercise I highly recommend that you take, it’s going to be about a 45 minute exercise, but well worth the time. Then pay attention to where you’re actually out of alignment with your values. Where do you need to make changes? Get clear about your purpose or your personal vision. If you’re not clear about what it is you’re trying to achieve in your life, then it’s going to be very difficult to get there, obviously. And from a resilience standpoint, when I think about my own life and the significant tangent it took, I took when my first husband was diagnosed, knowing that I overall still had a vision for my life was so strengthening. I understood, of course, that, you know, where I was, was enjoying every moment we still had with him for the whole time we had him. But I knew that once I was on my own, which was pretty much inevitable, I also could see that I would carry on. I knew how I would carry on. I knew where he was headed and that was incredibly strengthening. So I can’t over express how important that is. So, yeah, focus on having a plan, though. So having that vision is one thing, but having an actual plan for how you’re going to get there is also really important. And you can encourage other people to do the same. So coach people, coach your employees to develop their personal clarity of the three pieces of values, vision and planning. There’s lots of we do a lot of this work ourselves with our clients. It’s beautiful work. It’s wonderful work that people really appreciate what we invest in them and help them develop this. So that’s personal clarity. And this is dynamic thinking. Another really interesting piece. And so really the point of dynamic thinking is to help us understand, OK, now I know what I want to accomplish. And I have a plan in place to do it. Now we need to have these three things in order to actually make it happen. And so this is where confidence, realism and learning focus come in. Confidence is all about, not all about. There’s a number of pieces here, but it’s a lot about hope. It’s about having the confidence to believe that you can achieve something, even if it seems like it’s going to be really, really difficult. And there’s a great section in the book in our workshops that teach hope, because we need to recognize that hope is absolutely a choice. It’s not something that, you know, you’re either born with the preference for hope. It’s not a personality style element. It’s something we choose. And so if we can be hopeful and what I mean by hopeful is we understand two things. One, that whatever situation we’re in, good or bad, it’s not going to stay the same. Right so if you’re in a bad situation, that’s really helpful because you can recognize that the situation you’re in right now is not going to be the same situation going forward. You’ll be able to see something else in the future. And then the other piece is that you can control some of what’s going to happen. So so people who have hope or we call them high hope people, they have those two things and understanding that things are impermanent and an understanding that they can take some control over what direction things go. That’s a really important part around confidence. And then the opposite, the sort of balancing of confidence, because I’m know, the research doesn’t show that, you know, endless confidence is the answer to, you know, living your dreams. In fact, we have to be realistic about what’s going to get in our way. And so realism is about understanding what’s going to get in the way and how I’m going to move past it. So recognizing the gaps in your skill base maybe, or in the situation you’re in and being able to problem solve around what you need to do differently and then learning focus is that last piece that’s really looking at it’s about mindset, it’s about habits, it’s about recognizing the realism piece is more sort of tactical, you know, things you need to look at. But the learning focus is getting kind of deep into what am I? How do I think about things? What are the habits that I’ve formed through my life that are now getting in my way and being able to adjust those habits and mindsets and keep them changed? Right so we often have, you know, January is coming, right? January 1st, I’m going to I’m going to change my way of thinking about something. And we do for a little bit and then we sort of slide back. So learning focus is about being able to make those conscious choices about changing and then keeping those changes in place. That’s dynamic thinking. So in terms of what you might be able to do here, I forgive me for just going through a couple of things here that I want to keep this one time. Things you can do so understand and activate hope, right? So recognize that hope is a choice. I look at Hope. I think about hope through with my journey with my late husband. And I know we always had hope. It changed over time to hoping that he would survive to hoping to get to Christmas. And it just it changes over time. But it’s a choice. You decide whether you’re going to find hope and what that’s going to look like. I encourage the careful use of media. This has been a huge area that has worked really well for a lot of the folks that I talked to in my research. Be very careful about what you’re exposing yourself to watch, what’s going on in your social media. And how it’s making you feel. And a simple thing that you can help other people do or watch for yourself is if you’re starting to feel like you don’t have hope or starting to feel that, you know, you’re looking at your phone for a while, especially when we start our day with this, right? Look at your phone for a while. You no longer feel the energy to kind of or enthusiasm to take on your day. Pay attention to what you’re looking at. Notice that that’s your choice, whether you expose yourself to that or not. And then finally, you can coach other people and develop their dynamic thinking. So understanding what their vision and plan is. Noticing what’s getting in their way. And then finally changing their habits and keeping them change. So you can help other people to develop this skill by some good coaching. Right? asking them some really good questions. All right. So that is about the quickest run down of The Resilience Way that I think I’ve ever done. I hope it didn’t feel too fast, but I’m sure it felt like a lot of information in a short time. So I want to make sure you understand, you know, the overall goal here. The world needs us to step up, all of us, every one of us with our special gifts and our amazing ways. So I really encourage that. Yeah find the resilience to do whatever it is you feel inclined to do, whatever it is you’re being called to do. And then there’s this awesome opportunity to help other people to do that too. In terms of next steps. Again, I’ll, I’ll put the slides into, into my page so you have them. But if you go to theresilienceway.com, you will find a lot. So you’ll find in this a link to the self-assessment, which is absolutely free. You’ll find information about an online workshop, seven modules that we built to support learning. We do in-person workshops, we do resilience coaching. You’ll find access to a wonderful Facebook group and any and lots of ways to contact me. So reach out when you need help. And, and there’s my email. If you if you want to contact me directly, I am thrilled to hear from people. So there’s lots here that you can jump into. All right. So I’m wondering about questions now. How am I doing here for time? It looks like I’ve got about 4 minutes. And are there questions that came in through the chat? Are there questions that anyone would like to ask yourself, if you like, and go ahead and ask your question? Yes Roger. Yeah I’m Thank you very much, Kelly Anne. That was really interesting. I just caught that… Kelly? In the, it’s Shelly Space, by the way. In the learning focus section. If you have habits and mindsets that are getting in the way. You gave a couple examples of things we can do like the self-assessment. What do you think? Like if someone has struggled with confidence, but really there’s no evidence to support that. What would you recommend as a first step? So sorry. They there’s no evidence to support that they shouldn’t be confident. Is that? Oh Shelly, did we, lose you? Yeah no, I’m sorry about that. OK so you’re saying that there’s no evidence. There’s no evidence that they have what? For example, like super strong skills. OK there’s. There’s every reason to be successful. Yeah Yeah. So I would suggest just super quick, I’m thinking about a couple of things. I definitely think that if you can teach them to be hopeful, that’s really helpful. And I think the other thing is that you want to coach, right? So it sounds like I’m guessing if the person has skills, they probably heard all their, you know, all their lives. Some feedback that they have skills. But what you really want them to do is you want to take it out of them, right? You want to really put on the coaching hat and ask them good questions about what they think their strengths are and make them say it right. Ask them what they think is possible for them. And have them encourage them to really think through what they’re not. Yeah, noticing that other people are. And then it’s OK I think to add the data, you know what like I agree or lots of people can see that as a possibility for you also, but it sounds like they need to really own that. So I think coaching, that sort of coaching mindset of making sure that you’re asking the questions and forcing them to really own what they can do. Does that answer your question? Yeah, definitely. Because when it comes to your kids, we have a habit of telling them what they are. Yes coaching within a workplace. That’s right. Yeah right. Yeah, that’s a great point. Yeah Roger, what was your question? Can you hear me? I can, Yeah. OK I don’t know what happened there. I just kind of got dropped in over. Yeah, that was weird. Yeah Yeah. So I was just wondering, in your work with clients within individuals around the model, do you see any patterns in terms of, um, which, which of the five elements people find easier to kind of get to grips with or more difficult? Yeah, great question. So HMM, I definitely think that personal clarity is one of the areas I’m always I’m often surprised, but I do find that’s one area that a lot of people haven’t put the effort into or haven’t even heard about. And so, yeah, it’s and it’s also one that takes time. So from a coaching standpoint, I, I run the coaching process in the order. I just presented the model to you guys and they’re having a great time until they get to personal clarity. And then there’s always this big pause I’ve learned to kind of prep that like, so, you know, we run through all the rest of them in a week, personal clarity. We’re probably going to take, you know, a month of conversations. But it’s so valuable because people it’s amazing. And I’m sure you’ve seen that like just amazing when people go from they’re not sure why they’re getting up in the morning to, I have a plan, I know what I need to accomplish. It’s, it’s, but it’s definitely the one that people struggle with. And yeah, and it makes sense because if you’ve never thought about it, if you’ve never really looked at it, there’s a lot there. Does that answer your question, roger? Absolutely, Yeah. I just did my values again the other day. Good yeah, it was a different than last time. Yes, it was. It’s been a while though. Yeah, it does change. And that’s all good. And so that’s why it’s so important to look at it. Yeah Yeah. Awesome do we have time for more questions or are we? We’re out of time. Or we have a few moments. I’ve got some questions in the chat, so. OK, time. Yeah so do you want to pull one out for me or. I don’t want to. So we’ve got one from Diane. If you are working with a Coachee that seems borderline depressive, what do you recommend? Yeah, so that’s a very clear one for me because I am not a trained psychologist or at all trained to deal with mental illness. I normalize the conversation. I, I, you know, encourage them and celebrate that they are, you know, having a conversation about what they’re struggling with. And then I find help for them. So it’s very to me, I’m very careful. And I think it’s really the gift you can give people is making it OK to talk about it and recognizing that they need professional help. And not pretending that, you know, a good conversation with a friend is going to solve that. Yeah Thanks for that question, Diane. That’s a really important one. Yeah we have time for one more. You’ll have to be the meanie, not me. You can say one more. OK which one would you. This next one is: For creating boundaries it becomes very difficult to decide when to stop trying in that relationship and just make them exit – any tips? Yeah, great. Yeah, I know. I definitely have tips. So in my what I tend to recommend is that you start with courageous conversations. Right think about that. So if I can talk to this person, be honest with them. And let’s face it, very often it’s the first time we’ve been honest with this person. Right so I often find these are family members, right? So so we play with that idea, right? So we’ve been going through our whole lives and we’ve never spoken honestly about what’s not working. That’s where I would start. And then if that doesn’t work, then you look at what’s next. So either I’m going to reorient this relationship, change how I interact with this person, either interact with them less or differently. And then at some point, if that’s not working, then you have to exit them from your life. And it’s Yeah. Which, which can be a temporary thing. It doesn’t mean that I’m, you know, absolutely never speaking to them again, but it can be a hell a heck of a wake up call if you say to them, you know what? Like, I’m no longer going to be with you until, remember that courageous conversation we had, until you’re willing and able to recognize that there’s a problem and help me fix it, we’re not going to be together. Right? And at the end of the day, life is short. And if people are getting in the way of you living your life, that needs to change. Yeah hopefully that answers that question. All right. Thank you so much. Oh, you’re so welcome. All right. Are we done? That’s it. Yes I Thank you ever so well for so much, everyone for joining. And Thank you, Kelly Ann, for your time with us this afternoon session this morning, wherever you are. And as mentioned throughout the session, the recording and slides and bits and pieces will be on your My Page and an email will be sent to you when everything’s ready for review. All right. So thank you ever so much of your call. Thank you, guys.